A self-satirical train wreck that you can witness word by word...
And for those who doubt my son Armand Bovoso, indeed he is part Black. I'm Black and Italian. Armand is Black, italian, and Ukranian Jewish. Send me an email if you can't accept this.
And for those who doubt my son Armand Bovoso, indeed he is part Black. I'm Black and Italian. Armand is Black, italian, and Ukranian Jewish. Send me an email if you can't accept this.
Well, fidelity isn't my strong suit. When you have severe ADD you tend to go where the wind blows you. I was all happy with Netflix when this slut named PlayStation 2 came into my life. Fuck you Sony. And fuck you Lucasarts for making the most playable game in the universe called Star Wars: Battlefront. I swear I go to sleep hearing sounds from the game like: "Grenade! Grenade!" and "Defeat is immanent." Last thing in the world I needed was another obsession.
I sat down to write this blog with a clear mind but that has been hijacked by the opposing forces waging war within me. The goddess Kali has been doing her job and clearing away all obstacles in my life. Most of my material goods are failing and I am going broke steadily. I just lost an important relationship and I can't seem to drum up any business. So, in the midst of my drama two sides of my psyche have decided to make themselves known. Both have representatives that lobby for control of my soul. Both send out legions of soldiers to do battle with each other. So what does this all mean? Basically right now I am either an emotional wreck (an adult with a child's emotional understanding and patience) or I am centered and in touch with the universe (and with my destiny as a healer and teacher). My centered self calmly takes position and holds its ground through pure expression of universal love an ki. My hurt and tormented emotional side takes up it's cause with a poisonous broad sword. Wrecking havoc with it's every slash. In the midst of this struggle I have had some incredible events happen. For instance just as writing this blog my door has rang. I stopped to answer and there were two women wishing to speak to me. I've seen many Jahova's Witnesses use this tactic to spread the word of their gospel. Their calm energy soothed me as I was seconds earlier struggling with tears and panic. A smile came across my face as they began speaking. The commented on my smile and asked if I believed that such acts were contagious. It's true that I typically walk through the world with a smile while dealing with others. What I didn't realize up until this point is that I never smile at myself. They brought out a bible and began reading a verse from the book of Matthew.
Matthew 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”
Now this quote has been used by Christians for millennia. It has been interpreted to mean many a thing. Here is how I took it as I was hearing it again with my ears today.
Temptation is not so much a struggle of external wants and needs but instead temptation is an internal battle. One that is easy to succumb to because it instantly validates our worse fears about ourselves. The temptation is in believing that we are fat, ugly, unworthy of love, laughed at and a disgrace. It is extremely tempting to fall into all of these traps on a daily basis.
The spirit, or our higher self, knows better. For me, it guides without the need of my direction. I am clear in purpose and centered with clarity.
It is our body that conspires (and hence we must train it constantly) to keep us away from our spirit. In the process of growing up our bodies are so consistently disconnected from spirit that we must spend our lives reforming the bond between the two.
So meditate and heal to know your true self. Don't fall into the self destructive traps that your mind would place for you. Your higher self knows better and will show you the way.
Matthew 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”
Now this quote has been used by Christians for millennia. It has been interpreted to mean many a thing. Here is how I took it as I was hearing it again with my ears today.
Temptation is not so much a struggle of external wants and needs but instead temptation is an internal battle. One that is easy to succumb to because it instantly validates our worse fears about ourselves. The temptation is in believing that we are fat, ugly, unworthy of love, laughed at and a disgrace. It is extremely tempting to fall into all of these traps on a daily basis.
The spirit, or our higher self, knows better. For me, it guides without the need of my direction. I am clear in purpose and centered with clarity.
It is our body that conspires (and hence we must train it constantly) to keep us away from our spirit. In the process of growing up our bodies are so consistently disconnected from spirit that we must spend our lives reforming the bond between the two.
So meditate and heal to know your true self. Don't fall into the self destructive traps that your mind would place for you. Your higher self knows better and will show you the way.
Alanis Morissette-Hands Clean
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much
Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protogé and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it
Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
what with this distance it seems so obvious?
Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body
Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much
Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protogé and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it
Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
what with this distance it seems so obvious?
Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body
Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
I've discovered a new super power today. The ability to center myself (for the most part) while in the midst of an acute insecure emotional outbreak. I'm no Depak Chopra at the moment but I feel calmer and more functional.
I'm flying on Jetblue (which I swear where possible I will only fly Jetblue from now on) and watching VH1. Now these days VH1 has two types of shows on. One is, VH1 It Sucks To Be You. You know the show, "P. Diddy spends more blowing his nose than you make in a single year. And that not all. Wait until you see his diamond encrusted tissue box complete with it's own 24 hour escort." The second show is their countdown shows. Obviously they are going to the well too often in this format. We are down to The 25 Greatest Power Ballads. Sad. Even worse because I am watching it. Hey, I'm a hostage at 30,000 feet. Sue me. While watching I've had a realization about a common slur phrase, "That is so gay." The phrase is typically used to say something is uncool. Sometimes also unmasculine. The irony there is that gay culture is actually too cool. Just as with black culture, it typically takes the rest of the world two to four years to catch up to their styles and tastes. They are simply too cutting edge. So, while watching Journey take the number one power ballad spot on the count down all I could think was "God that so wishes it was gay." Work with me here America.
I'm flying on Jetblue (which I swear where possible I will only fly Jetblue from now on) and watching VH1. Now these days VH1 has two types of shows on. One is, VH1 It Sucks To Be You. You know the show, "P. Diddy spends more blowing his nose than you make in a single year. And that not all. Wait until you see his diamond encrusted tissue box complete with it's own 24 hour escort." The second show is their countdown shows. Obviously they are going to the well too often in this format. We are down to The 25 Greatest Power Ballads. Sad. Even worse because I am watching it. Hey, I'm a hostage at 30,000 feet. Sue me. While watching I've had a realization about a common slur phrase, "That is so gay." The phrase is typically used to say something is uncool. Sometimes also unmasculine. The irony there is that gay culture is actually too cool. Just as with black culture, it typically takes the rest of the world two to four years to catch up to their styles and tastes. They are simply too cutting edge. So, while watching Journey take the number one power ballad spot on the count down all I could think was "God that so wishes it was gay." Work with me here America.
OK. I need some help here. I'm starting to believe that there's no such thing as a successful love story. Either I am right or I am the worst partner in the world. If I can't be happy in a relationship can maybe I can live vicariously through other's stories. Can anyone post a successful love story of their own or one they've heard in the past? Just leave it as a comment. It would be very welcome. Cynicism is starting to set in way too heavily.
My brother isn't "recently outed gay." And apparently he (and no one else who knows him) don't read my blog or else I would have been swarmed with phone calls. This is actually a running joke going back and forth between us for years. Now before ACTUP decides to reform along with Queer Nation to protest my blog, let me give my standard disclaimer regarding homophobia.
1. Calling my brother gay is just as funny to me (and to him) as calling him a double crispy, high yellow, Alabama porch monkey. It's very equal opportunity bigotry with us.
2. If he were gay (and I suspect he might be happier in this arena) who cares?
3. We were raised by two gay parents.
No I'm not talking about a gay couple who decided to adopt I'm talking about two parents who both turned out to be gay. Gay father, lesbian mother. "What the fuck?", you might be saying while thinking to your self, "well that explains it." Yes, welcome to the wonderful and continuing experiment that was the 60s. My father who was a gay man when he met my mother was encouraged by his lover at the time, who was leaving town, to get involved with Carole who became my mother after she fell in love with my father who I've already mentioned was a gay man. *Whew* So in the context of open love and great hallucinogens the birth of 3 sons becomes possible. So what about my mother you might be thinking? Well, she has always resisted sexual labels, a practice I whole heartedly agree with. Just the same she has lived with the same woman for over 18 years now. Hmmm. Maybe she's just in denial.
So there you have it. Raised Black, Italian, and apparently Gay. It's part of our culture. Funny thing to carry with you in this divisive world. So, yes I can sing you the entire original cast album of Mame off the top of my head. Yes, my mother had cats in the house growing up. Yes, my father preferred dogs.
And finally yes, I've had many gay lovers. They were all lebians.
1. Calling my brother gay is just as funny to me (and to him) as calling him a double crispy, high yellow, Alabama porch monkey. It's very equal opportunity bigotry with us.
2. If he were gay (and I suspect he might be happier in this arena) who cares?
3. We were raised by two gay parents.
No I'm not talking about a gay couple who decided to adopt I'm talking about two parents who both turned out to be gay. Gay father, lesbian mother. "What the fuck?", you might be saying while thinking to your self, "well that explains it." Yes, welcome to the wonderful and continuing experiment that was the 60s. My father who was a gay man when he met my mother was encouraged by his lover at the time, who was leaving town, to get involved with Carole who became my mother after she fell in love with my father who I've already mentioned was a gay man. *Whew* So in the context of open love and great hallucinogens the birth of 3 sons becomes possible. So what about my mother you might be thinking? Well, she has always resisted sexual labels, a practice I whole heartedly agree with. Just the same she has lived with the same woman for over 18 years now. Hmmm. Maybe she's just in denial.
So there you have it. Raised Black, Italian, and apparently Gay. It's part of our culture. Funny thing to carry with you in this divisive world. So, yes I can sing you the entire original cast album of Mame off the top of my head. Yes, my mother had cats in the house growing up. Yes, my father preferred dogs.
And finally yes, I've had many gay lovers. They were all lebians.
A blog from the fog. (Well, actually it's a clear night.)
Published Thursday, March 10, 2005 by Alessandro Ashanti.
I'm standing on the streets of San Francisco on the eve of the day of my birth. 36 years ago my mother was in labor with me right across town at UCSF. I was born here. Native son. My soul has a connection to the Bay Area as does it to NYC an LA. Such an interesting trinity, don't you think? Such a melancholic night for me. Wonder what that is all about.
May 19th, unless your name is Santiago (my recently outed gay brother) I don't even want to know your name. You do not exist.
On May 19th I am not:
Sensei
Dad
Daddy
Mr. Lover Man
Rico Suavé
Mac Guy
Director of West Coast Operations
Wham Bam Thank You Sam
That asshole who is late on his payments
God
Well, you can call me god.
On May 19th, 2005, my life comes full circle. I will don my light saber and cloak and I will be watching the culmination of my entire existence on either celluloid or digital projection. Star Wars Episode 3.
A jedi mind trick on those of you who do not respect my wishes.
"You will leave Captain Solo and the wookie to me."
"These aren't the droids you're looking for."
On May 19th I am not:
Sensei
Dad
Daddy
Mr. Lover Man
Rico Suavé
Mac Guy
Director of West Coast Operations
Wham Bam Thank You Sam
That asshole who is late on his payments
God
Well, you can call me god.
On May 19th, 2005, my life comes full circle. I will don my light saber and cloak and I will be watching the culmination of my entire existence on either celluloid or digital projection. Star Wars Episode 3.
A jedi mind trick on those of you who do not respect my wishes.
"You will leave Captain Solo and the wookie to me."
"These aren't the droids you're looking for."
Day one.
Every single fucking moment of every single fucking day from the hours between 11 PM til 6 AM.
Last day about 2 minutes before boarding the plane.
That's all I can show you without having to plead the 5th.
Every single fucking moment of every single fucking day from the hours between 11 PM til 6 AM.
Last day about 2 minutes before boarding the plane.
That's all I can show you without having to plead the 5th.
