I sat down to write this blog with a clear mind but that has been hijacked by the opposing forces waging war within me. The goddess Kali has been doing her job and clearing away all obstacles in my life. Most of my material goods are failing and I am going broke steadily. I just lost an important relationship and I can't seem to drum up any business. So, in the midst of my drama two sides of my psyche have decided to make themselves known. Both have representatives that lobby for control of my soul. Both send out legions of soldiers to do battle with each other. So what does this all mean? Basically right now I am either an emotional wreck (an adult with a child's emotional understanding and patience) or I am centered and in touch with the universe (and with my destiny as a healer and teacher). My centered self calmly takes position and holds its ground through pure expression of universal love an ki. My hurt and tormented emotional side takes up it's cause with a poisonous broad sword. Wrecking havoc with it's every slash. In the midst of this struggle I have had some incredible events happen. For instance just as writing this blog my door has rang. I stopped to answer and there were two women wishing to speak to me. I've seen many Jahova's Witnesses use this tactic to spread the word of their gospel. Their calm energy soothed me as I was seconds earlier struggling with tears and panic. A smile came across my face as they began speaking. The commented on my smile and asked if I believed that such acts were contagious. It's true that I typically walk through the world with a smile while dealing with others. What I didn't realize up until this point is that I never smile at myself. They brought out a bible and began reading a verse from the book of Matthew.

Matthew 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

Now this quote has been used by Christians for millennia. It has been interpreted to mean many a thing. Here is how I took it as I was hearing it again with my ears today.

Temptation is not so much a struggle of external wants and needs but instead temptation is an internal battle. One that is easy to succumb to because it instantly validates our worse fears about ourselves. The temptation is in believing that we are fat, ugly, unworthy of love, laughed at and a disgrace. It is extremely tempting to fall into all of these traps on a daily basis.

The spirit, or our higher self, knows better. For me, it guides without the need of my direction. I am clear in purpose and centered with clarity.

It is our body that conspires (and hence we must train it constantly) to keep us away from our spirit. In the process of growing up our bodies are so consistently disconnected from spirit that we must spend our lives reforming the bond between the two.

So meditate and heal to know your true self. Don't fall into the self destructive traps that your mind would place for you. Your higher self knows better and will show you the way.