I'm on a plain
I can't complain
The finest day
That I ever had
Was when I learned
To cry on demand
Love myself
Better than you
I know it's wrong
What can I do?

-Nirvana

These immortal lyrics written by Kurt Cobain and permormed by Nirvana hold deep meaning to those who have been on mood altering drugs. Not the kind that you buy from a dealer but the kind that your doctor prescribes for you. Your psychiatrist most likely.

I recently had a major event in my life where my psychiatrist asked me why I had a problem with keeping my appointments. I explained to her my life long struggle with what I learned several years ago was Attention Deficit Disorder. On the spot she suggested trying a typical ADD medication. Eagerly I agreed to try this out. Anything was better than continuing this curse. I was actually at the visit to talk about the Zoloft that I had been taking for the last year. Zoloft had done it's job well enough. It had gotten me through the panic attacks I was experiencing in 2005. At this point the side effects were getting in the way of living a happy life. If my oldest son didn't read this blog from time to time I might explain more. She asked how I was feeling and honestly I was feeling OK having been over Zoloft for a week. She told me to stop with the Zoloft and to try the new meds.

Like a super hero to the rescue. Look up in my hand, it's speed, it's a pill, it's Wonder Drug! Well it's actually named Concerta. Concerta is now my new hero. It's a controlled dose of speed that allows me to focus on tasks at hand and not forget that I am in the middle of them. I now understand how and why speed freaks stay up for days and try and write novels or take apart cars just to see if they can. The controlled dose that I take allows me to focus just enough to get everyday life tasks done without feeling overwhelmed. My main side effect is that I get sped up a bit sometimes and my sleeping patterns can be a bit off. When I speed up I do my best to slow myself down by concentration on shutting the fuck up. Sleep patterns aren't so bad due to the fact that I create my own schedule. If I'm compelled to stay awake I just make sure I devote the time to work.

More on my chemical calithenics as they develop.